There are many things in this world that are beautiful, and there are many things that are broken. One of the broken things is how we are taught to view our bodies. Your body will never ever need to look a certain way in order to be loved and respected. Try your hardest to ignore what everyone (even your mom and your friends) say about what bodies should look like. Your body is the least interesting thing about you (and that, believe it or not, is a really good thing).
I became a solo revolutionary by my very early teens, waging war on my body and winning battles with every hungry day I could stomach. I didn’t know then that I was losing the war and that it would take years of rebuilding to undo the damage that the arrows and grenades I’d freely launched at myself. The mind of a young girl is a battlefield rife with armies that are too powerful and too precise.
So many of us suffer - now in my middle age years, I’ve learned to love all the scars and the imperfections, the sagging bits and the parts that used to make me cower with insecurity.
How I wish I could tell that isolated and starving teenager that she is not the enemy. Thank you for sharing - this line really touched me:
“I thought I’d cracked the code. Really, I cracked something within myself that would take years to repair.”
The poem alone is so powerful, I loved the imagery and think it will resonate with most women and prepubescent girl's experience. The generational trauma with food which is often passed from mothers, is really powerful.
I really loved 'I'd intended as a path toward perfection became a prison of my own making, leaving less and less room for joy, for connection, for life outside my desire to be skinny.' it just so incredibly relatable. Though I have never had disordered eating, i fallen into intense patterns with excessive exercise, its this pressure to be some unrealistic ideal at times. Being able to some ways leave it behind and comfort your younger self at the end with so healing and poignant! Thank you so much for writing this <3
I’m totally with you Charlotte! I feel like no matter what flavor of external pressure you experience, most women do experience societal pressure in a really uncomfortable way. There are so many unrealistic expectations thrust on us in almost every area of life. Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to comment. I love having conversations around this topic. Really helps to unpack it all.
thank you so much for this post Elise, this was very needed. You describe those feelings so well, it sounded like you were in my head!
i see a few comments (no shade to them!) saying very kind stuff like "your body is the least interesting thing about you" and it's the gentlest way to interact with this post, but i also feel like it missed your point a bit.
i don't think i'd tell 10yo me any of that, because she already heard those things. From the nurse in ed prevention sessions at school, from the body-positive people in a few magazines and on the beginnings of social media. i think i'd warn her more of all the work that's ahead, that the feeling is going to come, grow, and be there probably forever, and that this is normal. That those people who say online that they have completely recovered are not her and that it's ok to not manage to overcome the feeling in 10, 20, 30 years.
i guess it's not about what we individually would tell our 10 years old selves, it's about how when we were 10yo and how the 10yo (and 20yo, and 30 yo, ...) of today are all yelled at so loudly by society that they get those feelings and are kept hungry -- while also being told by everyone else that recovery is possible and totally attainable with just a bit of work. It seems we both have put lots of thoughts into it, and lots of work, therapy, or whatever, but it's not enough quite just yet.
Sorry if this comment was a bit dis-articulated or sad, your post struck such a deep chord i wanted to explain. I hope you will be able to reach that wonderful neutral-to-food state soon, or at least some day <3
This is exactly what I needed to read this morning. Thank you for articulating this struggle so clearly.
To my 10 year old self: it’s okay that you are the first girl to develop hips and boobs. You will grow into them, don’t listen to the teasing of the other girls who call you BBB (big boob Beth). Mostly I would just hug my little self and go find a tree to sit under together and watch the birds and clouds in peace.
Oh Elise, this is so beautiful, powerful and honest. The recovery work you’ve done to reach this place is obvious…and difficult because society never changes its message! I’ve been an ED therapist for many years and though I’ve never worked with you, I️ am so proud you are able to see and write from this perspective.
Ahh wow Lisa how amazing!!! I bet you have a unique perspective on it all having spoken with so many women in the thick of it. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment🫶
This was a beautiful & deeply honest post thank you so much for sharing this. To my ten year old self I would likelly just sit with her and ask her questions and teach her early on to project her voice outward. ❤️
Thank you so much for reading 🥹 yes I feel this. I wish my 10 year old self had someone to lean on like this. To just sit and listen and be a comforting presence.
this piece is so powerful it hurts. thank you for writing this. one big broken thing is the world is to think that our hips and thighs are something to be ashamed of. Our bodies are sexy in so many ways. eating bread is sexy.
Ahh thank you so much for reading Gala 🥹 I couldn’t agree more. And it’s even evident in observing how different the beauty standards are around the world (and even in different cultures within the United States!). Just goes to show it really is all made up.
Oo 10 year old self, on your 10th birthday, please understand this: when you and your friends are having fun sucking in helium from the helium tank we got to blow up all the party balloons to do the funny high pitched voice thing, know that just because you think “oh, if I suck in more helium it’ll make the voice last longer” doesn’t mean it’s true. I assure you. You’re gonna ABSOLUTELY be high as hell for like two seconds and it’ll feel like an hour where you thought you were rolling around on the ground having this wacky dream, but you’re really just laying there probably making everyone feel weird as heck for the few seconds you were suddenly not on this plane of existence, probably from both perspectives in some sense 😂 (not even sure what I was ACTUALLY doing/looked like to be honest)
Anyway, that, out of many other things, dear 10 year old Willow, is some advice I impart to you. Let’s keeep those brain cells, shall we?💁♀️😂🙈
This is what I would say to my 10 year old self:
There are many things in this world that are beautiful, and there are many things that are broken. One of the broken things is how we are taught to view our bodies. Your body will never ever need to look a certain way in order to be loved and respected. Try your hardest to ignore what everyone (even your mom and your friends) say about what bodies should look like. Your body is the least interesting thing about you (and that, believe it or not, is a really good thing).
I became a solo revolutionary by my very early teens, waging war on my body and winning battles with every hungry day I could stomach. I didn’t know then that I was losing the war and that it would take years of rebuilding to undo the damage that the arrows and grenades I’d freely launched at myself. The mind of a young girl is a battlefield rife with armies that are too powerful and too precise.
So many of us suffer - now in my middle age years, I’ve learned to love all the scars and the imperfections, the sagging bits and the parts that used to make me cower with insecurity.
How I wish I could tell that isolated and starving teenager that she is not the enemy. Thank you for sharing - this line really touched me:
“I thought I’d cracked the code. Really, I cracked something within myself that would take years to repair.”
💜♾️
Ahh I feel this. Beautifully said. Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment Jennie ❤️
thank you so much for writing this. i have so many thoughts on this subject and resonated deeply with every word. ❤️
Thank you so much for reading, Ella!! 🥹🫶
The poem alone is so powerful, I loved the imagery and think it will resonate with most women and prepubescent girl's experience. The generational trauma with food which is often passed from mothers, is really powerful.
I really loved 'I'd intended as a path toward perfection became a prison of my own making, leaving less and less room for joy, for connection, for life outside my desire to be skinny.' it just so incredibly relatable. Though I have never had disordered eating, i fallen into intense patterns with excessive exercise, its this pressure to be some unrealistic ideal at times. Being able to some ways leave it behind and comfort your younger self at the end with so healing and poignant! Thank you so much for writing this <3
I’m totally with you Charlotte! I feel like no matter what flavor of external pressure you experience, most women do experience societal pressure in a really uncomfortable way. There are so many unrealistic expectations thrust on us in almost every area of life. Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to comment. I love having conversations around this topic. Really helps to unpack it all.
thank you so much for this post Elise, this was very needed. You describe those feelings so well, it sounded like you were in my head!
i see a few comments (no shade to them!) saying very kind stuff like "your body is the least interesting thing about you" and it's the gentlest way to interact with this post, but i also feel like it missed your point a bit.
i don't think i'd tell 10yo me any of that, because she already heard those things. From the nurse in ed prevention sessions at school, from the body-positive people in a few magazines and on the beginnings of social media. i think i'd warn her more of all the work that's ahead, that the feeling is going to come, grow, and be there probably forever, and that this is normal. That those people who say online that they have completely recovered are not her and that it's ok to not manage to overcome the feeling in 10, 20, 30 years.
i guess it's not about what we individually would tell our 10 years old selves, it's about how when we were 10yo and how the 10yo (and 20yo, and 30 yo, ...) of today are all yelled at so loudly by society that they get those feelings and are kept hungry -- while also being told by everyone else that recovery is possible and totally attainable with just a bit of work. It seems we both have put lots of thoughts into it, and lots of work, therapy, or whatever, but it's not enough quite just yet.
Sorry if this comment was a bit dis-articulated or sad, your post struck such a deep chord i wanted to explain. I hope you will be able to reach that wonderful neutral-to-food state soon, or at least some day <3
I love that perspective, Rose!! Acceptance ❤️
This is exactly what I needed to read this morning. Thank you for articulating this struggle so clearly.
To my 10 year old self: it’s okay that you are the first girl to develop hips and boobs. You will grow into them, don’t listen to the teasing of the other girls who call you BBB (big boob Beth). Mostly I would just hug my little self and go find a tree to sit under together and watch the birds and clouds in peace.
Tearing up reading this. It seems to be something we all have in common that we’d just like to sit and be a silent safe comfort for ourselves.
Oh Elise, this is so beautiful, powerful and honest. The recovery work you’ve done to reach this place is obvious…and difficult because society never changes its message! I’ve been an ED therapist for many years and though I’ve never worked with you, I️ am so proud you are able to see and write from this perspective.
Ahh wow Lisa how amazing!!! I bet you have a unique perspective on it all having spoken with so many women in the thick of it. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment🫶
Thank you for shedding light 💡
Thank you so much for reading 🫶🐺
This was a beautiful & deeply honest post thank you so much for sharing this. To my ten year old self I would likelly just sit with her and ask her questions and teach her early on to project her voice outward. ❤️
Thank you so much for reading 🥹 yes I feel this. I wish my 10 year old self had someone to lean on like this. To just sit and listen and be a comforting presence.
this is beautiful
Thank you so much for reading 🥹🫶
this piece is so powerful it hurts. thank you for writing this. one big broken thing is the world is to think that our hips and thighs are something to be ashamed of. Our bodies are sexy in so many ways. eating bread is sexy.
Ahh thank you so much for reading Gala 🥹 I couldn’t agree more. And it’s even evident in observing how different the beauty standards are around the world (and even in different cultures within the United States!). Just goes to show it really is all made up.
Oo 10 year old self, on your 10th birthday, please understand this: when you and your friends are having fun sucking in helium from the helium tank we got to blow up all the party balloons to do the funny high pitched voice thing, know that just because you think “oh, if I suck in more helium it’ll make the voice last longer” doesn’t mean it’s true. I assure you. You’re gonna ABSOLUTELY be high as hell for like two seconds and it’ll feel like an hour where you thought you were rolling around on the ground having this wacky dream, but you’re really just laying there probably making everyone feel weird as heck for the few seconds you were suddenly not on this plane of existence, probably from both perspectives in some sense 😂 (not even sure what I was ACTUALLY doing/looked like to be honest)
Anyway, that, out of many other things, dear 10 year old Willow, is some advice I impart to you. Let’s keeep those brain cells, shall we?💁♀️😂🙈
Hahahaha i forget about this sometimes and am always happy to be reminded of it